The Lazy Sod

Now that our Humour Gallows Stage is complete, we would like to start with a segment we call, Corpse Marionettes.

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Rodrick dragged a rather thin, rotted corpse and lets it dangle from a noose on the gallows.  It looks to have been in the ground long enough to begin to decay, but still remained intact. He then fetched another corpse, this one bloated and missing two fingers, and hung it facing the other.

Rodrick stood behind the first corpse and animated him by moving his hands and doing his speech.  He waved at the bloated corpse. “‘ello, mate! What brings you to the gallows?”

Rodrick moved deftly between the two corpses, behind the bloated corpse, and waved the hand missing two fingers at the rotted corpse.

“Not really sure, to be honest,” he said and scratched his head. “Seems I caused a bit of a stir at the pub one night, I did.”

“A stir?” The rotted corpse said, his head tilted quizzically to the side. “They can hang you for causing a stir? That don’t sound right.”

“Yeah, this bloke was makin’ fun of me wife,” replied the bloated corpse. “So I jabbed him in the throat with a fork, I did. Chivalrous and all.”

“Blimey, mate,” said the rotted corpse and gestured questioningly with his hand. “Standin’ up for your wife and you get the gallows? What did the other bloke do?”

“He died, he did,” replied the bloated corpse with a shrug. “Blood gushin’ about. Cryin’ like a baby. Even ruined the dress I just got her. Cost me a whole week’s wage! Fifty quid!” He made an outraged gesture with his partial hand, shaking it at the air.

“What a bloody wanker!’ replied the rotted corpse. “Did you kick ’em once good in the gob ‘fore he went down?”

“I didn’t get a chance.” said the bloated corpse and shook his head sadly. “‘fore I knew it someone bashed me over the head. Woke up in the clink, then off to the beak, and ‘ere I am, standin’ on the gallows. An innocent man, I says!”

“Sorry to here that, mate,” the rotted corpse said and put a consoling hand on the bloated corpse’s shoulder.  “Just standin’ up for your lady, and this happens. What’s this world comin’ to, mate.”

“Yeah, bollocks. it is,” replies the corpse and shrugged hopelessly. “Anyway, what brings you ‘ere?”

“I cut my wife up into pieces,” replied the rotted corpse. “Then I made her into a nice stew and fed it to that cow she calls a mother. That’ll teach them to call me a lazy sod!”

“Facknhell!” The bloated corpse exclaimed. “You can cook? Lucky bastard. I haven’t had a good meal in years.”

“Yeah,” replied the rotted corpse. “Even the dog wouldn’t eat her food. Lazy sod, my arse.”

The two just stood there for a moment in silence as Rodrick went to pull the lever.

“Well, mate,” the bloated corpse offered, Rodrick using ventriloquism. “Good luck in the afterlife and all.”

“You too mate.” said the rotted corpse.”

Rodrick pulled the lever and the two corpses fell to the ground, their heads popped off due to decay and rolled lazily to the front of the gallows. He then jumped to the front of the gallows and bowed with a flourish as he picked up the two heads with each hand and held them up before taking another bow.

Exeunt.

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